On the second month of 2014, three of my friends in Yogyakarta tied the knot. More are tying the knots in different island. More have tied the knots months even years ago. The latest, now have expand their family member.
Slightly less fortunate is me the still single fighter. When my friends are married, as I come to their wedding party, the attack of classic question has just started whilst the fact that it was actually never ever really ended ever since i graduated bachelor degree. At this rate, I might get the spinster nickname when I am only in my 27 years old of age while the American single fighter gets the spinster when they are 40 something or even if they are younger they announce themselves as an official spinster. But, hey... I have never announce myself as a spinster. On my early 20s, i also thought that 25 is the right number to get married! But I didn't.
In a society who treat the right age to get married just as they treat age as "the right age to enter kindergarten or elementary school"; I am glad that i realized it early that age is the last thing that contribute to your marriage success. My brother who got married at his mid twenties are now working with unstable income of sometimes less than a million a month. He has a wife who is also working with an income of less than a million every month and two kids. They wish they could afford their own house, but they don't. Unfortunately they are now still living with and relying on my parents' support.
In a society with a common logic that as your age's digit keeps on adding, the same happens as well with the thickness of your maturity, thus serves you the right to get married. I am glad that I realized this is, often or even usually, not the case. One of my mother's aunt, which is technically my far-related grandmother got married at the age almost reaching 50. By age number, she earned the right of getting married almost 25 years ago, but she didn't. And she's not less happier than my brother. In fact, she looks way more happier than i used to see her and way more satisfied with her life than my brother. "But she doesn't have any children!" you may say, argue and scream. True, that by the age of 50, it is difficult for her to have child. But still... having child is just another parameter that sets by society of what happiness means.
What i am trying to say here is, someone is still happy whether your refuse to see why she is happy with her life, whether you keep pointing on what she doesn't have rather than what she has. She is still happy. Period.
So, marriage is not about age. No, it's not.
For me, marriage is beyond age. One's decision to get married does not necessarily rely on the fact that (s)he is old enough or mature enough. I believe, from what i've seen, one's decision to get married depends a lot on the combination of situation and condition and making choices and commitment and being responsible with it.
My dearest friend got married at the age of 25 years old. She first met her once future husband only a few months ago. Her sister's husband introduces him. By that one time meeting, she decided to consider marrying her. Trusting her in-laws and sister judgement, she agreed to marry him. The Muslim calls this Ta'aruf. Other who don't understand might call this crazy or just simply amazed to the point that someone could marry a man who looks like a totally stranger. No, please don't deny it. Because i was once on the "don't understand" stand point. But it's her choice. And I am happy that she is a lot happier than she was ever. Bottom line is no matter what kind of sentiment you have towards her story, such decision is never an easy decision to be taken no matter how old you are. Be that you are 25 or 35 or 45 or 55 or 65 or even more or younger than 25. And once again, such decision has nothing to do with age. She is just simply ready. She found the right time, the right condition and the right decision for the right commitment. And in my perspective, everything was right for her to be the kind of woman she wants to be.
My sister-from-different-life-and-parents used to tell me that she would really love to get married before she turns 25. In my eyes, she has this huge potential that could bring her life further. I had this doubt whether she really really wants to get married before she turns 25. I was wondering "Is it because she has just not yet found a different side of herself just yet? If yes, will she find it?". As I watch her, there are times I think to myself that she might not found that side of her. But to my surprise, she moves to different city and on a group chat she shared that "I am reconsidering getting married before i turns 25, i think i am not finished yet with myself". I am proud and happy. Not because she joins my party but more because for a girl who always acted more mature than her same age friends would normally do is finally acknowledging herself as the woman she ought to be.
For my sweetest partner in crime, marriage is probably obviously off the topic. Once she told me "I like a man just for crush. Nothing more". So she just like to giggle when cute boys pass by...or when some hot older man happens to be in her radar. It feels like she's still searching. Searching on what she actually wants. She said to me that she likes (much) older man. But at other time, she questions me on my tendencies of undervaluing potential younger love interest in my love radar. And she would go on with her speech saying that younger man might be out there with the level of maturity that i want. She's right though...there could be a younger man with the quality that i want and might be the one for me. But why do i feel like she doesn't want me to like older man like her too? It's not like we have the same type of man. (Right? RIGHT?). This girl is still searching on her woman's direction. Thus marriage is out of topic. But if she should have had her own little family, she would have had do great. A quality of an older sister of two younger brothers who continuously spending quality time with them every week at the playground is equal to a mother's love for their children. Yet, marriage is off of her radar at the moment.
You get married not because you are at the right age or because you are getting older. It is not as simple as the number calculation. If some people talks like it is a simple matter like solving the one plus one equals two math problem, do yourself a favor: just ignore them. Don't take it to your heart.
You get married because you meet with the right person or because the situation made you as a result of your own action (perhaps other's intervention as well) or because you decided to.
On how you see your life decides when should you get married.
On how you value yourself decides to whom you should get married.
On how you would like to be in the future decides the kind of person you want to be with in that future.
On how you would like to spend your old time decides the kind of company you'd like to have during that time.
So, no... Marriage is not about age or the thickness of maturity showed by how long have you live this life but on how you would like to spend your life with a companion.
And often, when you find this companion, the decision of getting marriage will comes directly.
Some people found it easy and shortly, some people found it through a long journey.
Regardless on what age or how, one doesn't own the right to rush-over someone's process of finding her or his long life time companion.
The privilege lies only on your own hands. For your life is your responsibility, not others.
