2011 AFTERGLOW -- A SERIES OF BLESS FROM GOD

Yogyakarta, December 30 2011...the second last day of 2011.

5.30 in the morning and i was awaken by the cold...maybe it's because last night it rain so hard that it seems to cool down the hotness of Yogyakarta today...

I tried to sneak in myself into my blanket and close my eyes again, but i just lost my appetite to go back to sleep  after trying to rest my eyes again for 30 minutes.

Somehow, i just realize that in less than 50 hours, this will not be 2011 anymore. In less than 50 hours, it will be 2012. I was amazed at how time flies so quickly...

2011 is rather a special year for me. Though each year of my life is a precious one (in its own way) but 2011 is a different one. I found my maturity in 2011. I finally found myself and see myself as a grown up. As a woman, a human being, a soul that stays in a body given by GOD. I'm suddenly not a little girl anymore, nor the youngest child in my family. I'm just me.

I actually planned on continuing my study at UGM on early 2011. It was part of resolution that i want to get my master  degree title before i'm turning 25. All was ready but people may plan, GOD is still the one who decide your destiny. Things happened in early 2011. Bad ones...  It's like a rendezvous of what happened almost 12 years ago to my family when i was still a teenager. But me in 2011 is not me in the 90s. It's a different me.

Looking at my parents, i chose to postpone my plan of moving to Yogyakarta. I said to myself, "It's not the end, didi...you're just delaying what you can have now and for that GOD will double what you should have now". I tried to stay strong because i have to and i don't have the option to be weak for the sake of my parents..

It's funny though, because as i try to be strong, i've come to realize that how fragile my parents truly are. All my life, i was entitled with the thought that "They are parents so they ought to be strong. For their kids, for what they have decided to built together". But on 2011, i realize how misleading this thought can be.

Things were psychologically and physically hard for my parents. But my family made through of it pretty well. After all, we went through something worse once. For me, it's a phase of learning to see my parents not from a perspective as their children.

By mid of 2011, i have decided that i can no longer postpone my plan of moving to Yogyakarta. I wasn't accepted yet by UGM nor do i have attend the entrance test. However, i have the faith that UGM will accepted me and i have no worries for that. So, i tried to wrap things up from March. I said to the NGO where i work for the past 3 years, that the 2011 badge will be the last badge i teach and I said to my other boss that I'm quitting on May. Everyone was shocked and sad. They don't want me to leave but they understand that this is an important decision for me.

My boss, David and Brenda, who then happen to be my second parents said that they don't want to let me go but they know and realize how hard i tried to make the decision of moving to Yogyakarta. They know what i've been going through lately, so they know that it's important for me to take this step in order to find myself. And for that I thank them with all my heart.

The NGO also sad that i'm leaving, but they know a soul cannot be attached. A soul are meant to be free with no attachment. So one of the founder, Brother Wayan, said to me "Go, and our doors are always open whenever you want to come back."

I don't know if there is any word that can describe my gratitude to their unconditional love to me. I was amazed at how they accept me for who i am while i'm still struggling to find who i am. I was amazed at how they trust me while i'm still having difficulties of trusting my self. On top of everything, i was overwhelmed at how they believe that i'm strong while i'm still having hard time believing that i am strong.

So, i started my journey to Yogyakarta with that humble contented feeling. I know that no matter what the result is, whether i'm accepted or not by UGM, it doesn't matter because I know, those people will accept me for whoever I am.

June and July 2011 are the most relaxing month for me. Since i'm jobless, i spent my time doing part time job, catching up with my besties, playing around with my nephew and niece, spending some quality time with my mother, having a daughter father conversation with my dad and learning to actually live for "now" without worrying what will happened in the next five or ten or fifteen minutes or next few hours or next few days or next few months.

I went back and forth to Yogyakarta several time on my own until i finally accepted by UGM. Yes, i passed the entrance exam. And yes, now i am a post graduate student of international relations at UGM. But then that's it. There's nothing special about it. What special is how i got here, how i got there, to that point of accepted by UGM.

August was even a busier month. I was trying to pull everything together for my movement to Yogyakarta. I did all by myself. My mother still nagged me a bit. She used to think that i'm lack of the ability to live by myself or to take care of myself. But I think she had a take one big step of letting me to grow up as a woman this time.

My father is always a liberal person in my eyes. Then i know that he's actually a conservative one. Well... a father is always a father especially when he is faced with the fact that his only daughter are moving to Yogyakarta. On my side, i know he feels like he owes me a lot. I know that he feels like he has this debt that he needs to pay me. I know that he's trying to pay back all the lost time he misses when i was still a teenager. I told him "It's okay dad...everything will just be fine. If it's not you'll be the first one to know"


So, i move to Yogyakarta on end of August and start my adventure here. Almost 6 months, I enjoy every seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, months of it. I have shared on my other writings of how amazing the people i met in Yogyakarta. I think by now, i am running out of words to describe how amazing they are.

I always believe in destiny and the reason lies behind it. I believe that there is a reason why i meet each of these new people in my life here in Yogyakarta. I believe that each person will give their own color to my life and i thank them for that. :)

I believe that what ever GOD brings to my life, bad or good, are all a bless from Him. I believe it is GOD's way to lead me to find myself in Him and for that I thank him :)

I still do not know if i want to make list of resolutions for 2012. I may not make one. Simply because i want to feel how's life without target or burden. I'll just let myself decide on that very moment what to achieve and what to accomplish. Beside, ain't it the fun art of life? You never can predict what lies in your future or what future offers you...so let's just enjoy your time with that hot boiling youthful blood.


With Love
Dee