Suatu Masa di Bulan November...

Ada satu masa dimana hati berubah bahkan ketika sang rembulan dan matahari masih setia mendalami tugasnya bergantian, saling berkejaran.
Ada satu masa dimana hujan menjadi semacam penyejuk hati yang panas terbakar oleh terik mentari.
Ada satu masa dimana hujan yang dingin malah menjadi penghangat dari hati yang kelu menanti rembulan bersinar dengan cahaya lembutnya.
Ada satu masa dimana hujan menjadi teman paling setia walaupun ia hanya bisa berbagi suara gemuruh dan terkadang petir.
Ada satu masa dimana hujan menjadi obat paling manjur karena ia mampu menggerus segala rasa dan sakit
Ada satu masa dimana hujan dirindukan teramat sangat oleh hati yang kesepian, entah dengan membawakan hati kesepian yang lainnya ataupun hanya sekedar menghampiri dan bersapa ria.
Ada satu masa di bulan November dimana engkau mencoba mengingat-ingat apa yang terjadi 10 bulan sebelumnya. Perasaan apa saja yang pernah kau rasakan? tempat apa saja yang pernah kau singgahi? dan apa saja yang sudah kau lakukan? apakah kau makin dekat dengan mimpimu?
Ada satu masa di bulan November yang membuatmu bertanya-tanya, cukupkah sisa waktu di tahun ini untuk melakukan semua hal yang belum dan harus kau lakukan sekarang?

Ed Sheeran's U-N-I

- I may sing this song for you, I may not. I never know. We never know. But one thing I know for sure, my feelings were honest, genuine and true. It was there. But I don't know if it will be always there. At least for now, it is still there -

I found your hairband on my bedroom floor,
The only evidence that you'd been here before
And I don't get waves of missing you anymore,
They're more like tsunami tides in my eyes
Never getting dry, so I get high, smoke in the days then I sleep with the light on
Weeks pass in the blink of an eye,
And I'm still drunk at the end of the night
I don't drink like everybody else,
I do it to forget things about myself,
Stumble and fall with the head spin I got
My minds with you but my hearts just not
So am I close to you anymore, if it's over
And there's no chance that we'll work it out
That's why you and I ended over U N I
And I said that's fine, but you're the only one that knows I lied
You and I ended over U N I
And I said that's fine, but you're the only one that knows I lied [ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/ed-sheeran-uni-lyrics.html ]
Everybody said we'll be together forever but I know that,
I never wanna settle down, come around, break up the love like lego now,
Never wanna turn into another like you,
Sleep with my thoughts dance with my views,
Everythings great not everything's sure,
But you live in your halls and I live in a tour bus,
Now I'm in position to be another staker like every thing I say makes it all sound awkward,
Like our last kiss it was perfect, but we were nervous,
On the surface,
And I'm always saying everyday that it was worth it,
Pain is only relevent if it still hurts,
I forget like an elephant, or we can use a sedative and go back to the day we fell in love on first kiss
So am I close to you anymore, it's over
And there's no chance that we'll work it out
Oh you and I ended over U N I
And I said that's fine, but you're the only one that knows I lied
You and I ended over U N I
And I said that's fine, but you're the only one that knows I lied
Because, if I was gunna go somewhere, I'd be there by now,
And maybe I can let myself down, ohh
And thinking that I'm unaware, I keep my feet on the ground, keep looking around, to make sure I'm not, the only one to feel low,
Because if you want, I'll take you in my arms and keep you sheltered, from all that I've done wrong
And I know you'll say, that I'm the only one
But I know that God made another one of me to love you better than I ever will.
-Chorus-

The Life Is Simple yet Complicated Agony

Confusius once said 'Life is simple, it's us who make it complicated"
Guess what? The man is Goddamn right. For most of the time we, human, always try to create a gray area, the in between black and white area. At one time simply because we don't want to lose both the essence of black and white.
We struggle to find a middle way between black and white out of fear of losing.
We don't want to completely lose what our left hand holds nor do we want to lose what our right hand holds.
Thus making us thinking very hard, complicating things,in justification of looking for the best solution but still doesn't want to lose anything.
Controlled by the fear and desire, we forget that we are losing something more important in life. Time and momentum. Two things that none of in this world can make them both comeback again because God forbid, if time traveler machine does exist, world is definitely at its end.
So why does we tend to make life complicated?

The answer lies inside of our self. I can just point out whatever I feel it would match for the reason, but that would be my own reflection of my own experience when I complicated life by entering the gray area.
It's when I forgot asking myself "What do you really want?"
It's when  I forgot asking myself "What makes you happy?"
It's when I forgot asking myself "How do you really feel about it?"
It's when I forgot asking myself "Why is your fear controlling you?"
Most of the time it's because I am to afraid of letting myself talk to myself and ask myself the one million dollar question "Which hands will make you happy, which hands will make you sad, which hands will make other happy and which hands will make other sad"
And when I am not ready to deal with the real answer because I am not ready to let myself be happy, or let myself be sad or let other be happy or let other be sad, then I will try so hard struggling to find a way, not choosing the black or white, the right or left hand, so that I can be happy, others can be happy.
After that, I am good...for awhile until the vicious cycle comes back to me again. And so I have lost the time and momentum of choosing from the beginning whether it's black or white.

Wait a moment....

Did you just realize that I have just complicated what supposed to be a simple writing?

Now you see my point?

Love
Dee

Repost from Thought Catalog: Instead of Loving Someone You "Don't" Want To Be With

Below is a re-post from Thought Catalog  (http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/what-you-can-do-instead-of-loving-someone-you-cant-be-with/) but instead of using the original title on my blog page, I change it into the title that I love.

Why did I change it? Wait... let me think....

Ah... maybe because for me when it comes about love, it's not a matter of whether you can't be with your loved one but it's the matter of not wanting to try hard enough to be with your loved one. 

It's not a matter of not having the capabilities of being with your loved one, but it's the matter of actually, if you dare to admitted, you don't really love your loved one that strong enough. 

 At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what your excuses are for the "can't be with you" love story. It's just that you love your loved one, but you have stopped wanting to be with your loved one, yourself. 

 So, when you eventually decide that you can't (read: don't want to) be with your loved one, always remember it was started by yourself, ended by yourself and shall be started again by yourself... 

 

Now, enjoy the re-post...

 

Love

dee

      

What You Can Do Instead Of Loving Someone You Can’t Be With

Jul. 10, 2012

By Stephanie Georgopulos

Instead of loving someone you can’t be with, fictionalize them. Reimagine your encounters as dreams: the kind you wake up from, shake off, disregard; not the kind you journal, analyze, relay relentlessly to bored friends. Treat them like the subject of a poem that tickles you in the chest cavity but only very slightly, a poem you copy paste publish on the internet and forget about soon as you read something else worthwhile, something that moves you to repeat the process like you’ve never read poetry before. Think of them the way you remember characters from books you haven’t read in a while; fondly but vaguely and all smudged ’round the edges.

You can fill your days with hobbies, god knows unrequited love swallows free time like it’s air. Why not begin running, learn to get away, and fast. Or you could read a few novels, is there a more efficient way to stack your life with characters who will eventually leave? Because that seems to be the type that attracts you, the ones you know will end before they begin. You can knit, keep your fingers busy and away from the phone and away from that soft patch of skin you like to hold when you’re alone, to remember. You can finally learn to swim, because it’s summertime and there’s nothing else to do and you’re so good at holding your breath, anyway.

Remind yourself that you are other things besides in love and hopeless and sort of sad in the saddest way possible like, you are also a friend or a son daughter or an employee student and also a thinker, a doer, a person who lives and has lived before this sad, sad mess came to pass. Think about when you were a five-year-old on a beach somewhere collecting shells and digging moats and chasing strangers through the sand because you were about the same height and had the same castle-building interests and wore almost-matching swimsuits. Remember when you were a 10-year-old who wore smiling faces on t-shirts and backpacks and scrunchies and when you were a 13-year-old who was ashamed for having done so. Remember when you were 17 and began to form a soft casing around your stomach that spoke to your affinity for beer, remember when you turned 21 and spent the night spinning and drinking and kissing the best friends you’ll ever have. Remember whatever age you were the first time you had your heart broken and how the pain felt endless until it ended and then it was like you’d imagined it all, a fever dream of a romance. Uncountable things to define who you are, and the only one you toil over is the one you’re not permitted to have you silly, silly…

Go be silly with someone else and maybe you won’t love them, but maybe you will. Maybe you’ll see-saw between having everything and nothing to say to one another until you’re wearing each other’s weight and finding yourselves somewhere in the middle. Maybe in a rush of words they’ll say something arbitrary that for some reason makes your stomach smile, you know, tickles you in ways that a copy paste publish poem can’t. Maybe you’re unsure because you’ve already invested your thoughts and feelings elsewhere without yielding any profit or interest; maybe you feel safer holding on to what’s already failed because that failure is familiar and comfortable and you wear it so well. But maybe — and this is just another suggestion — maybe you can try again, instead of loving someone you can’t be with.

Kamu Mencari Apa Sebenarnya?

Lucu adalah ketika aku mempertanyakan hal yang mungkin ingin kau tanyakan padaku sejak lama namun seperti ada tembok yang menghalangi.
Entah itu rasa segan ataukah rasa takut karena tidak siap dengan jawaban yang mungkin keluar dari mulut ini.

Aku ingin sekali bertanya padamu, "Apa yang sebenarnya kau cari?"
Kau mungkin bingung dengan pertanyaan itu dan malah balik bertanya "Maksudmu?"
Lalu aku pun akan kehabisan kata-kata, bingung bagaimana ingin menjelaskan bahwa yang aku maksud adalah

"Siapa sebenarnya yang kau cari? Orang seperti apa yang sebenarnya bisa membuat hatimu mau luluh? Apakah aku memiliki kemungkinan untuk menjadi orang tersebut? Orang yang akan kau rindukan sebanyak kau merindukan tempat yang kau sebut rumah itu..."

Siang ini, aku baru tahu bahwa ada yang memintamu untuk menjadi rumahnya. Tapi sepertinya kau menolak permintaan tersebut.

Padaku, kau membahasakannya bukan sebagai 'penolakan'. Namun lebih mudah bagiku untuk memahaminya sebagai 'penolakan', hanya karena aku tidak ingin berharap padamu dan membuatku menjadi makhluk paling egois yang selalu berdoa agar kau bisa memenuhi pengharapanku.

Padahal disaat yang bersamaan, aku tidak ingin hidup dalam pengharapan orang lain...

Lalu, kenapa kau menolaknya juga?

Aku bisa memahami pembahasaan mu akan perbedaan kita yang mempersulit sebagai penolakan mu. Namun, mengapa dia, kau tolak juga?

Kalian sama! Harusnya kau bisa dengannya. Tapi mengapa tidak?

Aku selalu takut kau akan menemukan rumahmu lebih dulu. Aku selalu benci pada bayangan-bayanganku yang mendahulukan kebahagiaanmu menemukan sebuah rumah dan itu bukan aku.

Tapi, mengapa kau menolak seseorang yang bisa dengan mudah menjadi rumah mu? sama seperti rumah yang selalu engkau rindukan...yang berisi keluargamu...berisi orangtua mu...orang-orang yang paling kau kasihi.

Ah... lupakan saja... Aku ini menyedihkan... Aku mencari harapan dalam pertanyaan "mengapa"

Aku mencari sebongkah pernyataan dari dirimu yang tidak pernah aku dapatkan secara gamblang...

Bahwa sebenarnya aku bisa menjadi rumah mu... bahwa sebenarnya aku adalah orang itu...

Pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang masih ku munculkan kepada mu... itulah wujud pengharapan-pengharapan kecil ku...

Pengharapan kecil yang masih aku miliki atas dirimu dan belum bisa aku lepaskan...

Atau mungkin lebih tepatnya belum mau aku lepaskan? Karena aku masih mendambakan dirimu sebagai rumah ku...