Yourself, Marriage and What Others Have To Say About It...

On the second month of 2014, three of my friends in Yogyakarta tied the knot. More are tying the knots in different island. More have tied the knots months even years ago. The latest, now have expand their family member. 

Slightly less fortunate is me the still single fighter. When my friends are married, as I come to their wedding party, the attack of classic question has just started whilst the fact that it was actually never ever really ended ever since i graduated bachelor degree. At this rate, I might get the spinster nickname when I am only in my 27 years old of age while the American single fighter gets the spinster when they are 40 something or even if they are younger they announce themselves as an official spinster. But, hey... I have never announce myself as a spinster. On my early 20s, i also thought that 25 is the right number to get married! But I didn't.

In a society who treat the right age to get married just as they treat age as "the right age to enter kindergarten or elementary school"; I am glad that i realized it early that age is the last thing that contribute to your marriage success. My brother who got married at his mid twenties are now working with unstable income  of sometimes less than a million a month. He has a wife who is also working with an income of less than a million every month and two kids. They wish they could afford their own house, but they don't. Unfortunately they are now still living with and relying on my parents' support. 

In a society with a common logic that as your age's digit keeps on adding, the same happens as well with the thickness of your maturity, thus serves you the right to get married. I am glad that I realized this is, often or even usually, not the case. One of my mother's aunt, which is technically my far-related grandmother got married at the age almost reaching 50. By age number, she earned the right of getting married almost 25 years ago, but she didn't. And she's not less happier than my brother. In fact, she looks way more happier than i used to see her and way more satisfied with her life than my brother. "But she doesn't have any children!" you may say, argue and scream. True, that by the age of 50, it is difficult for her to have child. But still... having child is just another parameter that sets by society of what happiness means. 

What i am trying to say here is, someone is still happy whether your refuse to see why she is happy with her life, whether you keep pointing on what she doesn't have rather than what she has. She is still happy. Period. 

So, marriage is not about age. No, it's not. 

For me, marriage is beyond age. One's decision to get married does not necessarily rely on the fact that (s)he is old enough or mature enough. I believe, from what i've seen, one's decision to get married depends a lot on the combination of situation and condition and making choices and commitment and being responsible with it.

My dearest friend got married at the age of 25 years old. She first met her once future husband only a few months ago. Her sister's husband introduces him. By that one time meeting, she decided to consider marrying her. Trusting her in-laws and sister judgement, she agreed to marry him. The Muslim calls this Ta'aruf. Other who don't understand might call this crazy or just simply amazed to the point that someone could marry a man who looks like a totally stranger. No, please don't deny it. Because i was once on the "don't understand" stand point. But it's her choice. And I am happy that she is a lot happier than she was ever. Bottom line is no matter what kind of sentiment you have towards her story, such decision is never an easy decision to be taken no matter how old you are. Be that you are 25 or 35 or 45 or 55 or 65 or even more or younger than 25. And once again, such decision has nothing to do with age. She is just simply ready. She found the right time, the right condition and the right decision for the right commitment. And in my perspective, everything was right for her to be the kind of woman she wants to be. 

My sister-from-different-life-and-parents used to tell me that she would really love to get married before she turns 25. In my eyes, she has this huge potential that could bring her life further. I had this doubt whether she really really wants to get married before she turns 25. I was wondering "Is it because she has just not yet found a different side of herself just yet? If yes, will she find it?". As I watch her, there are times I think to myself that she might not found that side of her. But to my surprise, she moves to different city and on a group chat she shared that "I am reconsidering getting married before i turns 25, i think i am not finished yet with myself". I am proud and happy. Not because she joins my party but more because for a girl who always acted more mature than her same age friends would normally do is finally acknowledging herself as the woman she ought to be. 

For my sweetest partner in crime, marriage is probably obviously off the topic. Once she told me "I like a man just for crush. Nothing more". So she just like to giggle when cute boys pass by...or when some hot older man happens to be in her radar. It feels like she's still searching. Searching on what she actually wants. She said to me that she likes (much) older man. But at other time, she questions me on my tendencies of undervaluing potential younger love interest in my love radar. And she would go on with her speech saying that younger man might be out there with the level of maturity that i want. She's right though...there could be a younger man with the quality that i want and might be the one for me. But why do i feel like she doesn't want me to like older man like her too? It's not like we have the same type of man. (Right? RIGHT?). This girl is still searching on her woman's direction. Thus marriage is out of topic. But if she should have had her own little family, she would have had do great. A quality of an older sister of two younger brothers who continuously spending quality time with them every week at the playground is equal to a mother's love for their children. Yet, marriage is off of her radar at the moment.

You get married not because you are at the right age or because you are getting older. It is not as simple as the number calculation. If some people talks like it is a simple matter like solving the one plus one equals two math problem, do yourself a favor: just ignore them. Don't take it to your heart.

You get married because you meet with the right person or because the situation made you as a result of your own action (perhaps other's intervention as well) or because you decided to. 

On how you see your life decides when should you get married.

On how you value yourself decides to whom you should get married.

On how you would like to be in the future decides the kind of person you want to be with in that future.

On how you would like to spend your old time decides the kind of company you'd like to have during that time.

So, no... Marriage is not about age or the thickness of maturity showed by how long have you live this life but on how you would like to spend your life with a companion. 

And often, when you find this companion, the decision of getting marriage will comes directly. 

Some people found it easy and shortly, some people found it through a long journey. 

Regardless on what age or how, one doesn't own the right to rush-over someone's process of finding her or his long life time companion. 

The privilege lies only on your own hands. For your life is your responsibility, not others.

Things That Only Happens in Dramaland...

Things that only happens in Dramaland are such as...

* hot boyfriend with afro hair who lives in a dumpster and turns out to be a billionaire because his family sells escalator (yes... i am referring to Dick in 2BrokeGirls)

* a guy who cleans up, does groceries shopping and knows how to clean up house. Bottom line: a guy who knows how to do house-chores without to much raising questions like "Is this right?" "should i put this much soap?" or stupidly mixed the different colors laundry into one same bucket. (i am referring to I Need Romance 3... DUDE THAT GUY IS ILLUSION!!! IN REAL WORLD HE'S GOT TO BE A GAY OR BISEXUAL AT LEAST...)

* a guy who lead and teach us into a mature relationship that fulls of respect, compassion and not taking each other for granted. Sadly, A guy is always a boy until he's married, have children and turns 40ish something. We'd be lucky to find a widower for that kind of relationship, otherwise we, the ladies who longing for such relationship, could always end up as the mistress. Not so much the kind of story we'd like to have in life... (i am referring to Prime Minister and I... Oh God.. Kwon Yul... CAN ALL MAN BE MORE LIKE HIM PLEASE RIGHT AWAY AFTER YOU HIT PUBERTY SO WE, THE LADIES, DON'T HAVE TO WAIT THE BOY CHANGE INTO A MAN AFTER THEY TURN 40s???)

* a LOT younger guy but act LOT wiser than the number of age he owns... need more explanation? You should just watch Can We Love...

* a guy who knows a woman's heart. He can be stupid for some other things, but when it comes to a woman's heart, he knows the best and he remains faithful to only one woman. HOW GREAT IS THAT? IF SUCH MAN DOES EXIST, THE WORLD WOULD BE IN PEACE ALREADY. (GO WATCH REPLY 1994 NOW AND YOU'LL FALL IN LOVE WITH THE CHARACTER CALLED TRASH).

Conclusion: I watched too many dramas... I used too many CAPS-LOCK... I SHOULD STOP THESE TWO RANDOM THINGS IMMEDIATELY.

Surprisingly A Coward, I Am...

I was at my favorite organic shop, had just finished my special Saturday rosemarie roasted chicken and a glass of iced cafe latter and stare heavily to the blue sky outside.
I am trying my best to finish my thesis. This thing have been going through a hate relationship with me for the past one year and i have decided to love him sincerely this month by making him my 2014 resolution: FINISHING IT AND GET MY MASTER DEGREE!

My head is pounding, my brain is simply drained. My heart is persevere that i have to finish it for the sake of my parents and my future. But the blue sky is way more tempting than the glowing shining of my laptop screen with thousands of words filling it in.

The moving clouds is way more interesting to be followed by my eyes than the line-up words waiting to be understood by my brain on that piece of paperbook leaves.

I hoped it was a situation like "Anything but this, PLEASE!!" but it's not.

It was simply a situation when I play this one game that i get addicted of until the point where it got complicated, tried many times to solve out the codes and move up to the next level but it just takes to much times that i gave up and choose to download a new game, playing it from the beginning, moving up the game level and when it gets complicated, I uninstalled it from my smartphone and seek on the new one again and plays it, it gets difficult, i can't stand it, i get bored, i uninstall it, and there goes the same cycle.

That pictures of me were projected on the sky, scene by scene and very very vivid. It shook me so hard that i realized i treat my thesis like a game and IT'S NOT EVEN A GAME!.

I also realized this side of me who always backing off myself from a potentially romantic related guy when things get complicated with him. I always ends-up withdrawing myself with all kind of reasons which I think i made it up just because i am actually freak of the idea of being involved deeply romantically with someone. Now that i think of this, maybe i should've been holding on to him a little bit longer and stronger...

BUT MY THESIS AIN'T NO MAN nor a woman if i were homosexual. It's like this thing that won't be finish if i don't try to make it. It's like a relationship that will never succeed if i don't put efforts to make it succeed.

And that freaks me off. Many times.

I am ashamed of myself now. Seriously. People are saying that i am such a brave person. But it turns out that i am just a coward.

Shit...now people who are afraid of bugs, ghosts or even cockroach seems to be a lot braver than myself. At least they have a vivid form of what they are afraid of. Me? Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of judgement. Things that cannot be explained simply by one single words of why you fear it.

A: What are you afraid of from a ghost?
B: It's scary.
C: It might kill me

or

A: What are you afraid of from snake?
B: Dude, it has poison in its teeth. We might die from it!

That dialogue seems simple and easy to comprehend with.

But my fear??

A: Why do you have such fear of success?
B: I dunno... what do you think?
C: Maybe because it comes with responsibility, you know, like the spiderman's uncle said "with great power comes great responsibility"

Yeah right, with great power comes great responsibility my ass...
It was a lot easier to be said to a superhero character of a movie than an ordinary person like i am.

See, i am writing this not because i hate my thesis. No, please don't get me wrong.

It is because i am disappointed of myself that i've come this far to find out that i am actually a coward.

How can not you be mad at yourself if you were in my situation?

Oh God... caffeine and lack of sleep does deprived your sanity away. I shall rest my eyes.

When You, Randomly, Feels You Would Like To Cry...

Sometimes, there are some moments where I just want to cry but couldn't find a reason why... On that very random times, I set up myself with ballad songs... And Korean song could bring you to the best of being emotional... Lee Juck's Lie Lie Lie is one of the ballad song that could make me burst out of tears in a sudden. It's a complete package of course, with the video and the subtitle since my Korean is not so good yet... :)

Immortal Song 2, Yoon Sang Special: Just because I like Korean not to be on the mainstream side...

As the title said, I posted this video just because i like Korean cultures not to be on the mainstream side of the road.

This episode of Immortal Song is just too good to be missed away. It shows devotion and depth of the artist efforts to preserve their true Korean pop songs... :')

My best kind of performance is from Huh Gak with Yoon Sang's In Between Hidden Time and Sandeul B1A4 with Yoon Sang's You in Memory. I can't help to keep on replaying the video on the part where both singer perfoms.

Enjoy the untypical nowadays too mainstreamed Kpop performances!!

January 2014: Sunset or Sunrise? Magical or Warmness?

Saya bukan orang yang suka bangun pagi. Saya tidak percaya dengan pribahasa "kalau bangun siang nanti rejekinya dipatok sama ayam (baca: disamber orang lain)" karena saya bukan penganut positivisme. Saya punya banyak teman-teman yang mengandalkan kreatifitas sebagai sumber nafkah dan proses kreatifitas mereka biasa dimulai pada malam hari. Otomatis pagi sampai siang mereka masih tidur dan nafkahnya tetap datang saja. Saya percaya, nafkah kita ditentukan Tuhan, bukan pada apakah kita bangun pagi atau tidak. Saya percaya orang boleh bangun pada jam berapa saja, sesuai dengan kebutuhannya.
Mungkin karena itu, seumur-umur saya baru dua kali nonton sunrise. Pertama kalinya saya lakukan karena alasan pekerjaan: menemani Tsukamoto Sensei untuk nonton sunrise di Borobodur. Yang kedua kalinya adalah di Dieng. Saya ikut karena "out of spontaneity". Dari dua kesempatan itu, saya akhirnya tahu: I am a sunset person, semakin yakin bahwa saya adalah orang yang praktis.

Bagi saya, nonton sunrise berarti bangun pagi buta atau tidak tidur sama sekali. Di kesempatan pertama saya harus bangun jam 3 pagi supaya bisa tiba di Magelang pukul 4.30; sedangkan untuk yang kedua kalinya saya memutuskan untuk tidak tidur supaya bisa tiba di Dieng jam 4 pagi. Dua sunrise mengharuskan saya untuk naik bukit: bukit berupa candi Borobudur dengan tangga-tangga batunya dan bukit Sikunir di Dieng dengan tangga-tangga lumpurnya. Dari 7 hari, menurut saya sunrise baru bisa benar-benar dinikmati pada pagi di hari Sabtu dan Minggu.

Namun sunset tidak begitu. Sunset itu sederhana. Nonton sunset bagi saya bisa dimana saja. Tidak perlu mendaki bukit. Cukup naik ke lantai lima gedung baru kampus FISIPOL UGM dengan lift (kalau lift sedang tidak rusak); atau naik motor selama 1.5 jam untuk nonton sunset sepanjang garis pantai selatan pulau Bali; atau  bahkan di bukit Campuhan, Ubud yang cuma perlu waktu mendaki 15-20 menit di jalan setapak tak berlumpur. Bagi saya sunset semacam pulang ke rumah dimana ada seseorang yang sedari pagi ingin kita temui. Ia menjadi penanda bahwa satu hari lagi sudah terlewati.

Jingga sang Matahari terbenam,,,

Saya lebih suka sunset tapi saya tidak benci sunrise. 

Sunset memberikan rasa yang menenangkan karena ia ada disana diakhir sebuah hari yang melelahkan. Sunrise memberikan sebuah rasa ingin mencapai sesuatu, sebuah pengingat bahwa ada beberapa belas jam terbentang didepanmu dan menunggu untuk diisi dengan makna.

Sunrise is to be conquered, sunset is the reward. Sunrise is unpredictability, sunset is the assurance.

Sunrise is mystical, sunset is warmness...

After two sunrise i know that no matter how much unpredictability seems thrilling, i long for assurance even more...

And yet both will have more meaning if spend with somebody, anyone who shares the same thoughts, tiredness or simply shares an office with you... :)

Dan terimakasih terdalam rasanya pantas serta patut disampaikan kepada Tsukamoto Sensei sebagai kontributor serta motivator terbesar kenapa saya mau rela bangun pagi buta dan tidak tidur. Saya cuma modal kurang tidur dan tidak tidur sudah bisa merasakan megahnya Matahari terbit berkat Beliau...

Suatu Masa di Bulan November...

Ada satu masa dimana hati berubah bahkan ketika sang rembulan dan matahari masih setia mendalami tugasnya bergantian, saling berkejaran.
Ada satu masa dimana hujan menjadi semacam penyejuk hati yang panas terbakar oleh terik mentari.
Ada satu masa dimana hujan yang dingin malah menjadi penghangat dari hati yang kelu menanti rembulan bersinar dengan cahaya lembutnya.
Ada satu masa dimana hujan menjadi teman paling setia walaupun ia hanya bisa berbagi suara gemuruh dan terkadang petir.
Ada satu masa dimana hujan menjadi obat paling manjur karena ia mampu menggerus segala rasa dan sakit
Ada satu masa dimana hujan dirindukan teramat sangat oleh hati yang kesepian, entah dengan membawakan hati kesepian yang lainnya ataupun hanya sekedar menghampiri dan bersapa ria.
Ada satu masa di bulan November dimana engkau mencoba mengingat-ingat apa yang terjadi 10 bulan sebelumnya. Perasaan apa saja yang pernah kau rasakan? tempat apa saja yang pernah kau singgahi? dan apa saja yang sudah kau lakukan? apakah kau makin dekat dengan mimpimu?
Ada satu masa di bulan November yang membuatmu bertanya-tanya, cukupkah sisa waktu di tahun ini untuk melakukan semua hal yang belum dan harus kau lakukan sekarang?